A reprieve

Amazingly enough, the day after I left my last post where Jesse and I had reached our limit, Bella's mood greatly improved.  She has been happy since last Friday.  I'm not really sure how being that last Thursday we went to the ear doctor again and Bella's single ear infection had turned into a double ear infection.  We still have the ear infection and tomorrow we will be going back again to finally get medicine for her.  Because we have been battling so many ear infections we have scheduled another ear surgery to get the current tubes removed and then new antibacterial ones put in.  The question we currently have is whether it is better to let her ears heal before we put in new tubes, therefore requiring two separate surgeries; or to put the new tubes in immediately and risk having problems.  I think we have a risk of problems either way, so it's a hard decision to make, and we are still working out the details.
In the meantime both Jesse and I have a work deadline on the exact same day, which means we have been taking turns working long hours.  Hopefully we will get a break at the end of the week and be able to enjoy the Christmas season.
Speaking of, I have been feeling a little bit like scrooge as I have decided not to send out Christmas cards this year.  I just haven't found the time, and the commitment of sending out over 100 cards just gets to be too much.  So this year we will not be sending out cards.....you just might find a Christmas wish on the blog here as the holiday gets closer.  If we can finally get the camera out and get a good family picture.

On my knees

The saying goes "God doesn't give you more than you can handle", and while that may be true, sometimes I don't want to have to be the strong one.  Sometimes I would like the quality of my life, Jesse's life, and Bella's life to improve.
If the point is to make me feel like a bad mother because I can't deal with my child anymore...then I'm there.
If the point is to overwhelm me so that I don't have the motivation to get anything done...then I'm there.
If the point is to make Jesse and I so stressed that we take it out on each other....then we are there.
If the point is to make this rough patch seem like it's going to last an eternity and nothing will ever get better...then I'm there.
If the point is to add insult to injury by having a mouse poop all over my kitchen, on all my utensils, all my dishes, all my pots and pans, so that I can't even feed my family without having to do a million extra dishes...well that happened too.

I read other blogs and support group pages, where mothers and some fathers will write about their kids struggles, and then say "but I wouldn't change a thing about them, I love them just the way they are!".
REALLY!!
Either they are saints, or I am just a bad person.  I would change things about Bella if I could.  Why else would you go through these constant therapies and doctors appointments, etc, if you didn't want to try and improve your child's life.

I will admit that although we go through our struggles life is easier when Bella is happy.  But Bella hasn't been happy in months, in fact I would say this particular spell has been going on since July.  It just comes and goes so that we have small pockets of good days and long weeks of bad ones.  And there seems to be no end in sight.

So I am down on my knees with my arms thrown up over my head.  I give up.  All I know is Bella needs some relief from all this pain she is going through, and Jesse and I need our sanity back.....and soon.

Thanks for listening.

The small violin

Do you hear it playing in the background?
I know I seem to complain about the same things over and over again.  And most people must think we are crazy when we keep blaming teething for all our problems.  But honestly, this is getting ridiculous.  Every other week we have to stay home with Bella for a day or two because she is teething and is exhibiting a fever, ear infection, not eating, constipated, coughing through the night, and in general being cranky and very irritable.
This whole process is never ending, and the symptoms seem to get worse and worse all the time.  Bella has been teething for awhile and we would have a few things going on, but not this constant all day and night long struggle that keeps her from school and daycare and keeps us up all night and not functioning.
Most of all I feel bad for her, because I know this isn't fun and she seems to be miserable a lot of the time.  And unfortunately we don't really have anything new to report around here, just trying to survive all this teething, and hopefully fit a little bit of the holidays in around it!

Exterior Christmas Decorations

We spent last weekend decorating the outside of our house for Christmas.  

I was excited to get out all the wreaths and bows I had purchased last year.  I think it looks great, too bad we are hardly ever home during the light of day to see it.

 I also bought these really large ornaments and put them in our evergreen tree.  I am going to have to purchase more this year (hope they still make them), as they barely seemed to make a dent in the huge tree.

Now how about a small dusting of snow to make everything look more festive!

The Season of Lights

This weekend officially kicked off Bella's favorite season, you know, the one with all the lights.

On Saturday night we headed over to the Overland Park Aboretum, where for two weekends a year they do a light and luminary display

 The weather was just right for bundling up and walking a 1.5 mile lighted trail.

 Bella seemed to enjoy the trip, and we lucked out by going right at dusk to beat the crowds.  If you are in the area, it is definitely something to see.

St. Louis Day 2

 Day 2 was the reason we were in St. Louis, and that was to attend my cousin's wedding and reception.

We had time that morning to run to a nearby mall.  Can you believe this was actually the first time Bella had been in a mall?  Not shopping.....just in a mall.  And it didn't go very well.  We were only able to get through 2 stores before Bella was fussing so much we had to leave.

I had decided that it would probably be in our best interest if Bella stayed back at the hotel with Jesse to take a nap instead of attending the actual wedding ceremony.  She was able to get in a 45 minute nap and was wide awake by the time we made it back to the hotel.  We had 3 hours to kill between the wedding and the reception, so all the extending family was supposed to be up in the parents of the bride's hotel room, for drinks and appetizers.  Bella was not having it, and wasn't happy regardless of being held, being feed, being able to lay out on a mat, etc.  So Jesse and I went back to our room to trouble shoot Bella's condition.  We knew she was basically teething again, seemed to be hungry all the time, and probably a little constipated (I know you all wanted to know that last part).  We also knew the reception was not going to go well, but at 6:25pm we headed off to give it a try anyways.

 I forgot to mention that at one point earlier that day Bella coughed/choked on her meal and popped all the blood vessels around her eyes, so she basically looked like she had been beaten up.
Bella actually did well at the reception.  She wasn't happy, can you tell?  But she did let us hold her for two hours as we had cocktails and dinner.  We were hoping she would make it long enough so we could dance with her, but unfortunately she broke down and was ready to go at 8:30pm (dancing hadn't started yet).

So as soon as Jesse took his last bite of dinner, and I mean literally, we whisked her off and headed back to the hotel.  She went to bed fairly easily, but had a horrible night's sleep, waking up and fussing again and again.  The next morning she was also very irritable, so we were very excited for our 4 hour drive home.  She of course did not sleep, even though she desperately needed to, but made it most of the trip in a content mood.
We have still been teething since we made it home, but we seem to be getting better (I'm currently knocking on wood), and thinking that this won't turn into the horrible coughing episode we had last time.

St. Louis Day 1

This past weekend we took a trip down I-70 to St. Louis.  Both Jesse and I had been there as children, but didn't really remember being there.  And this was our first real road trip to another town with Bella.  Yes we travel all the time to Nebraska, so the duration wasn't longer than we have done before.  But the whole staying in a hotel with her was a little different.

We started off our afternoon with a trip to the St. Louis Arch.  It was a great day for late November.  If you have never done the arch before, you ride up in this tiny white pods.  Bella thought this was great and laughed the whole way up.

 My sister came along with us, as her husband, David, watched Bella's cart.  Something about him being afraid of heights.

 Of course every time we tried to get a picture of Bella laughing, she would put her arm in front of her face.

 Once you get up top, its pretty crowded and they have all these little windows to look through.

 Bella loved being up there, although I really have no idea why.

 That evening we headed downtown to a recommended Mexican restaurant.  It worked out really well, as they gave us this huge booth and Bella could lay down beside us.  If you can see, Bella's legs are behind me.

 And we ended the night with our first taste of Gelato.  Bella really liked it!  I'm guessing the cold gets to her though, as she will normally only eat about 10 bites of ice cream, custard, gelato, and then she is done.

It was a great day.  Bella liked being out while it was dark out and all the lights of downtown.  It's not often we take her out during the night.  Usually it's too late and during the winter it's too cold.  Hopefully we can get out more with her this year.  Especially during the Christmas light season.

Well Day 2 will be coming up tomorrow, it was a completely different day from the first.