Dilemmas

One is shirtless and the other is pant less, good thing it isn't the other way around!.

I don't know about you, but this past week was one of those weeks that makes you wonder what else could possibly go wrong.  I know lots of people have worse problems than us, but sometimes you gotta wonder how much more you can take.  Now I know that's a large lead up to what, you ask.

Let's see, it started off with the basement getting full of water.  We then noticed the mold growing on the walls.  Now we will be demolishing the basement, to include the shared garage wall that will have to be immediately re-drywalled $$.  Then we noticed a screw in one of our new tires, and of course it can't be patched, so a new tire had to be purchased $.  Too bad it wasn't on the other vehicle that actually needs tires replaced $$$.  Not to mention it was our month for car registration $$$.  Then we get a hospital bill for when Jesse went to the emergency room for kidney stones $$$$.  Bella grew out of her orthopedic shoes and we ordered new ones $.  Bella's therapy bills are coming in $$.  And to top it all off, this is the first month we are living off only Jesse's income.  Ummm not sure how that math adds up, but not in our favor.  Especially if you knew $ is $100 to $250, $$ is $250 to $500, $$$ is $500 to $1000, and $$$$ is over $1000.  And of course we have all our normal monthly expenses.

It has been great for Bella to have me home full time.  One of the hardest things was finding quality care for Bella while I worked.  I would still like to go back to work, but we just can't find care without paying outrageous rates.  We are lucky that we have good insurance, but even with that insurance we spend thousands and thousands of dollars annually on just medical and therapeutic expenses for Bella.

So that's been my biggest dilemma as of now.  To go back to work and be able to afford the quality of life the three of us are used to.  To include finishing the remodeling of our home.  Some of which has to be done for Bella's sake.  Or stay home, which is best for Bella, and REALLY have to cut back on everything that we do.  I know many families go through this same debate, and they don't have special needs children.  It's a decision that is different for everyone.  I'm just not sure which answer I am being lead to right now.

blabbering

Bella loves to talk.  She either talks with her tongue out and does "la la la" or "na na na".  Or she stretches her jaw tight and does "yah yah yah", "rah rah rah", etc.  It's pretty exciting to hear her talking all the time. It always makes us smile and gives a little hope that someday those ramblings might actually turn into words.

Some Things Never Change

Bella had her first play date a week ago.  The boys were excited to show off all their "boy toys" to Bella.  Which included dressing up as super heroes.  When I saw this picture, I couldn't help but remember one taken a long time ago.

Shopping...again

Bella and I went shopping again on Saturday morning, this time trying out her new modified cart seat.  She did a fairly decent job in it, but towards the end of the trip, she was leaning over to her left.  And of course in order to use this contraption, I have to find a cart outside, set everything up, and then try and get Bella inside of it (which isn't an easy task, since she doesn't understand the concept of putting her legs through the holes).And getting her back out isn't any easier.  This definitely works well for the grocery store when I need the cart space, but for trips to Target and malls, I think we will stick with our stroller.

Shopping Trip

Bella and I went shopping this morning.  She did really well considering I spent 1.5 hours at the fabric store and 30 minutes at Crate and Barrel.  But the stores were having great sales today.  If we had more time and it wasn't so hot we would have stopped over to Town Center, where they were having a sidewalk sale.  As it was I still managed to spend $100 today.  You can go to the house post if you are curious as to what I bought.

I did manage to buy two different throws.  They were normally $50 and marked down to $10.  So I thought, why not buy one for the family room and one for our bedroom.  Well regardless, I can just blame Bella, she told me to do it.  Okay maybe it was the tricky sales lady who put the suggestion into my head.

The things we do

This is my wild child. If only I could get a smile out of her while the camera is pointed at her. Anyways, we were working on sitting and signing "all done" today. I would make her sit up in my lap and I helped support her, and then when she got fussy I would show her how to sign all done, and then let her lay down on my legs. One of her favorite positions, because her head is just the tiniest bit upside down.
While she was sitting up, we would sing different songs. I went through quite a few of them, and then came to "The Star Spangled Banner" appropriate for the upcoming 4th of July.

I was right in the middle of singing when Bella got a grimace on her face, looked and me, and then started pooping.

Children's TLC Duck Derby

Bella's preschool is doing another fund raiser. This time is a duck derby, which is a big bash down at the plaza on Sunday June 27th from 11:00am till 3:00pm. We will be taking Bella down to have some fun. Join us if you can, and if not, don't hesitate to purchase a duck, there are some good prizes to be won if your duck is the fastest, and all proceeds benefit Children's TLC.

See link below.

http://www.kcquacks.org/

You can join Bella's team "Bella's Little Ducks"

As always we thank you for any support you can give to places that have greatly helped Bella.

Seriously Funny

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Go to this website. I'm thinking I might have some old family photos to submit myself. If I could only dig up the photos from the family vacation we took to Florida when I was little. I'll have to see what I can come up with when I go back home next time.

Breakfast

I normally try to have a lot of patience where Bella is concerned. But this morning she was getting to me. For some reason she hasn't been wanting to hold her head up when she eats.

Now normally this is the time she holds her head up the best. But for breakfast this morning, she was on her worst behavior. She was leaning so much that she got cereal and milk all in her freshly washed hair.

Bella knows what the phrase "pick your head up" means. If you say it to her, she will pick her own head up with no assistance needed. But this morning she didn't want to. And I didn't want to feed her for 2 hours to get breakfast in her. I'd had enough.

So I helped her get her head up, and then kept my hands in place so she would keep it up. I also probably talked to her with an edge to my voice that I shouldn't have used.

But she just smiled at me. Was she teasing me? Trying to make me feel better? Happy that I was holding her head up because she couldn't do it today?

I don't know.

I've Been Hit by a Truck

And yes we are talking about mom, not Bella. Granted Bella was driving the truck.

Let's see what happens when a child is tired and cranky and ready to go to bed at 5pm. You hope they can make it a little while longer or you know you will have a horrible next morning.

Well last night was so much worse than waking up a little bit earlier than normal (and normal is 5:30am). Bella went to bed at 5:30pm, and then woke up at 10:30pm. And she was fussing and crying. ALL NIGHT LONG. That's right, I stayed up with her and tried a million different things to get her to fall asleep. Nothing worked.

At 5am, Jesse got up to go to work and came into the guest bedroom where Bella and I were hanging out. He took her downstairs to eat a little something and try some more Tylenol. She did end up falling asleep for a couple of hours. So basically I got to sleep from 5:30am till 9:30am this morning. And when she woke up, she was still fussy and crying.

I don't know what is wrong, but it's going to be a long day. So much for all my plans to have a great and productive day. Instead we are hanging out together and watching movies. Since being in my lap is the only way she seems slightly less irritable.

We put a cover on the dog bed, so Bella and I could use it as a couch and watch movies in the rec room. I think the dogs might be a little mad they lost their bed for now, but I think they will survive.
Me, I'm not so sure. Let's just say I hope Bella naps today, and I can get one in too!

Dreaming

Here is our current backyard.
And here are some of the things I really want to add to the backyard for Bella.

The first is a sandbox from pottery barn kids. I would convert it to add more shade and hang toys from it. But the $500 price tag, is a little too much.
And speaking about too much money, I would love a pool in the backyard. But we already know that isn't going to happen.
And if we add Jesse's dream about having a tennis/basketball court. Well that just might take up all our backyard.

Well it's been nice dreaming with you............

Happy Birthday Dad

Walk a Little slower, Daddy." thought a little child so small.

Sometimes your steps are very fast, sometimes they're hard to see;

So walk a little slower Daddy, for you are leading me.

Can't sit still

Bella doesn't like to sit right now. She will always try to scoot herself, or throw her head backwards so she can be laying down.

Sometimes not sitting up, takes a lot of work.




Ahhh the floor, I have finally found you!

Swimming

One of the big events we wanted to try with Bella over Memorial Day weekend was to go swimming. The lodge we stayed at had an indoor swimming pool. We left KC Saturday morning and hadn't gotten 15 miles away from home and I realized I had forgotten to pack Bella's bathing suit. And I didn't feel like having us turn around to get it, so we luckily were able to stop at Target in Norfolk and pick up a cheap suit for the occasion.
And Bella very much enjoyed swimming. It was perfect that the pool was indoors. It kept the water a very comfortable temperature, and kept the sun out of Bella's eyes. Of course we forgot to take the camera down with us to the pool. But this is Bella right after getting back to the room, obviously still in a good mood from her swim. Oh but did Bella actually swim? Of course not, she just floated against us and relaxed. But you can tell she enjoys the water, and even with all the other kids in the pool making noise and splashing her in the face, she was not bothered.

Now if we could only find a way to get insurance to pay for a pool in our own backyard..........or win the lottery!!

Thoughts

This past memorial day weekend we went up to Nebraska for a family reunion on Jesse's side. All the prep work needed for Bella to enjoy the weekend and being around family got me thinking.

I'm a quiet person. I'm reserved in large groups, I prefer to listen more than talk. You could even say I'm a little shy, but usually once I get to know someone, I don't come off as shy anymore. I think back to my childhood and how easily embarrassed I would get by everything. I hated being the center of attention.

My parents used to make me walk to school, I hated walking to school. Not because of the exercise needed to physically walk to school, but because it meant I had to walk along the city streets and everyone who drove by could see me. My freshman year of high school was the worst, and I would cut through the park to include scaling over a fence, just so I wouldn't have to walk along the streets.

My parents knew I was easily embarrassed. I would ask my dad to drop me off one block away from the football stadium, so that I could walk in and people wouldn't see me being dropped off by my parents. But then he would slowly follow me in the vehicle and honk when I made it to the entrance gate. I can picture him laughing as I turned bright red and tried to quickly enter the stadium, hoping and praying that no one saw or heard.

It didn't even get better as an adult. I chose to get married on an island. Yes it was beautiful, and a lot less stressful to plan, but it also allowed me to walk down the aisle and not be the center of attention for a church full of people.

And I still turn bright red in a meeting if I know all eyes are centered on me, waiting for me to say something.

I often wonder why Bella was born into our lives. I believe there is a reason, but we might not ever realize what it is. But with Bella, we are the center of attention. It doesn't matter where we go, or how busy a place is when we walk in. Everyone looks at us. They don't mean to be mean, but Bella and all her equipment is different. Even if I try to blend in, and say just walk around with her in a stroller. She still looks different, slumped over, not sitting up or holding her head up.

It doesn't actually bother me when all eyes turn our way. And I don't believe I turn red. The thing is, I'm not embarrassed to be Bella's mother.